Wasted Time

It has been awhile since I've posted my honest and raw thoughts.  I've been doing some much needed reflecting this last week. 

For those of you who followed me the beginning of this year saw a lot of the emotional ups and downs I went through while my husband was away at Basic Training for 5 months.

While he was away we wrote to each other almost every day. It was some of the most honest communication we have ever had.  It was also a form of therapy for me.  Everyday I would read my devotions and then write him about all my thoughts and feelings the way I would write a journal. 

It was a lot of self-reflection and honesty.  

It was a time where I was growing strong spiritually.

Now here is the problem...

Since Justin has been back I am so focused on hanging out with him that I rarely make time for a daily quiet time. I rarely write my thoughts out in my journal anymore.  I don't do the amount of soul searching I did during those months he was gone. 

On top of that, all the promises we made to each other in our letters, we are allowing to go on the wayside as life happens. We had so many plans/ goals we were going to work on when he got back.  It wasn't our intention to fall back into our old routine.

I have allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in doing the "easy" routine.

I am at the point of feeling frustrated and angry over not making more of an effort to fulfill my promises and to be the wife and woman I want to be. 

I am rather disappointed with myself.

This being said I have decided to print out my 10 New Year Resolutions, and post them around my house to help remind me what I committed to.  

I've wasted enough precious time since Justin has been home. 

It is time to stop being lazy, and focus on my commitment to my myself, my husband, and most of all God.

 Tomorrow is a new day with a new resolve!

"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefor do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

- Ephesians 5:15-17

 

Reflections...

Wow, what a week this has been for me mentally. I have done a lot of soul searching and reflection the last couple of weeks. 

Let's start with my first realization.  After Justin left for basic training I was realizing a lot about our relationship and making a lot of resolutions for change there. However, I realized I wasn't taking the time to draw closer to God. I was so consumed with thoughts of Justin and wanting to be a better wife for him that I was kind of ignoring my relationship with God in a sense. It wasn't until I was reading a chapter out of a marriage devotional book that I realized the only way I could truly work on my love and passion for Justin was to work on my love and passion for God.  I've allowed other things to get in the way of that.  So I have been working on being a loving and compassionate woman for God instead of just my husband.  I am noticing that if it is for God, that love overflows into all other areas of my life!

My next realization: Venting, fuming, passionate aggravation. Whatever you want to call it. I get annoyed with something, whatever it is, and start going off on a tangent about it. Whether it is a utility company screwing up my bill AGAIN, someone not doing their job, some rude comment someone made, freaking out over something I have to accomplish on my own. I work myself up into such a frenzy instead of just praying about it. How is anyone supposed to see peace in me if I live my life on this high level of stress all the time? My new motto is "Vent Less, Pray More!".  Why don't I just pray before calling AT&T for the trillionth time this month...God could already be solving the problem before I pick up the phone! Instead I am already on edge before I even make the call!  I know some of you are probably thinking...why pray over something like a utility bill. Alas, you all do NOT know my past problems with CERTAIN utility companies!  One call to them can ruin my WHOLE day!  But why do I allow them that kind of control over my life!? Why don't I ask God to keep me calm before dealing with them? I treat Him as though I can only go to Him for the very BIG problems.  My life would be so much more peaceful and stress free if I would go to him for the little things too!  So, here is to "Vent Less, Pray More"!

Third Realization: A Change in My Focus & Attitude. I'm amazed at how much my attitude and focus has changed with my new resolutions. Even in these few short weeks I can see a difference! Verses are popping into my head at the most random times! I will mentally be stressing about something and then suddenly am mentally reciting a verse or song that I heard earlier that week that pertains directly to what I was stressing about!  I don't even realize I am doing it at first! Times where my first thought would be to vent or stress, I am instead praying about it first without even thinking of venting!  God is definitely helping me to turn this self reflection time into prayer time!

I pray you have a peace filled weekend!

~ Elle

A Time For Resolutions...

I've been thinking a lot about my New Year's resolutions.  I want to see a difference in my life, and make a difference in the lives of others. I've been thinking about the kind of person I am, the kind of wife, friend, sister, etc.  And I am not happy with what I see. So I have decided to take 10 virtuous traits from the Proverbs 31 passage of the example of a virtuous wife, and work on those areas.

 I want to every aspect of my life to reflect a more virtuous woman! 

(Definition: A woman characterized by or possessing virtue or moral excellence; righteous; upright)

10 Resolutions to help me become a more virtuous woman in the coming year...and the years to follow. 

 

1. Faith - "A Virtuous Woman serves God with ALL of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways."  This year it is my #1 goal to follow God's will (not mine) for my life with all of my heart, soul, and mind. To stop clinging to all my desires and plans, and learn to trust Him fully.  (Proverbs 31: 26,  Matthew 22: 37-38, Proverbs 3:5-6, James 1:2-4)

2. Marriage – "A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmate."  I think of all the times I have let my husband down, torn him down, or took him for granted. I don't want to be this kind of wife.  I want to be a wife who shows my husband respect. I want to be someone he can always trust, who builds him up and supports him, stands behind him and encourages him. A wife he can be proud of and brag about. Someone he loves spending time with. This is the kind of wife I strive to become in the coming year.  (Proverbs 31: 11-12, Proverbs 31: 28-29, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis 2:18)

3. Service - "A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable."  I want to be a better servant, more willing to put others before myself and my desires. To serve my husband, family, friends, or neighbors with a gentle and loving charitable spirit.  Sometimes I feel so very selfish that I am thoroughly disgusted with my own selfishness.  (Proverbs 31: 15, 31:20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13, 1 Peter 4:10, Ephesians 5:1-2)

4. Health – "A Virtuous Woman cares for her body."  I need to take better care of my body. I eat reasonably healthy, but rarely exercise, don't drink enough water, and allow myself to get run down way to easily. I need to be more conscious of what I am putting into my body and the things I am doing to hurt it both long term and immediately. My goal this year is to live a more physically healthy lifestyle. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20, Daniel 1)

5. Finances -  "A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs."
I take care of the finances in our home and do a decent job. However, I could work harder to stay on budget and save more than we do. I need to also be more careful about the quality and need of each item I purchase. Just because I want something doesn't mean I need it. My goal is to do less spending on a whim/desire, and more out of necessity.  Also to be wiser with money and seek my husband’s council more often before purchasing.  (Proverbs 31: 16 & 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Proverbs 3:9-10, Malachi 3:10, Proverbs 21:5, Matthew 6:19-20)

6.  Work/Tasks – "A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks."  Wow, how often I clean or work when I am angry, all the while complaining to myself about my husband or whatever has made me mad! Instead I should be praising, and going about my work with a joyful attitude! This year I strive to go about my work in a way that reflects my gratitude and thankfulness for the things I am blessed with!  (Proverbs 31: 13-17,, Proverbs 31: 24, 27, & 31, Philippians 2: 14)

7. Homemaking – "A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her."  My goal this year is to be a better homemaker through the cleanliness of my home, better preparation of meals, less procrastination in laundry, and opening my home to guests more often. I also want to work on being more flexible in my need to have things perfect when having people over, and not getting so stressed out if things aren't perfect. This would definitely help me be more relaxed if I learned to let things go.  (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

8. Time - "A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord."
I think about all the time I waste in a day. How many pointless things do I do throughout the day that are a waste of time? Whether it be Facebook, browsing the internet idly, playing silly games, online shopping, watching to many TV shows, etc.  I resolve to put the important things first in the day such as devotions, prayer, housework, studies, correspondence, etc.  I strive to live each day with a purpose and usefulness, and not waste it away with things not worth dwelling on.  (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 5:15-16)

9. Beauty – "A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones."   This is such an important quality to possess...an inner beauty. I desire to be a woman of WORTH! To have an inner beauty that impacts other people's lives. God has given me creativity, a gift of art, an eye for design, and a sensitivity that I can use to impact others!  I don't want to waste the beauty God has given me by focusing on the outer. I think it is ok to want to look nice on the outside, but it shouldn't be my focus. It shouldn't be more important than my character. (Proverbs 31: 10, Proverbs 31:25, 1 Timothy 2: 9-10, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

10. Mothering - "A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go."  I do not have children yet, but I hope I will be this kind of mother some day soon.  I want to be a woman who builds her house up and not tears down. A mother who gives her children a strong base and support system. Even though I do not currently have children I can watch and learn. I can work on my relationship with God so that I will be a better example as a mother. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16) 

So what are your New Year Resolutions? Would love to hear them!

~ Elle

(Check out A Virtuous Woman)